Five for Forever - Deleted Scenes "Telling it to Mom"

Five for Forever is out for a few days now. Here is a little goodie, an exclusive deleted scene from the book (I had the luxury problem of too many words and ideas for the book and a lot of scenes and characters had to go over the course of the editing process). But there is no real delete in the digital universe, just a shift of bytes from one storage to another. 

The scene you are about to read was about one third into the book, when Rick and Louise hit it off together and their relationship became official. Rick's parents are living in Florida, so about as far away as possible from San Diego, his mother already a little hard of hearing and not at full capacity anymore to grasp whom her son is dating. But see for yourself.

One little additional tidbit: Five for Forever is a homage to Notting Hill, the great romantic comedy with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant. Incidentally, there is a deleted scene in the script where Hugh's characters eats dinner with his parents and breaks the dating news to them. The priceless reaction: none. Total anti-climax.

So, here it is. Enjoy the chapter/scene:

Rick

Rick called up his mother. His parents were living in a Florida retirement home close to Fort Myers. Both were getting in worse shape every year, his father on the bad end with setting in of dementia and various diseases that kept him to bed most of the time. His mother had become frail and hard of hearing which made long-distance communication sometimes a challenge. 

“Hi Mom, it’s Rick.” 

“Hi Rickie, is that really you?” His mother was the only person in the world still calling him Rickie. 

“Yes mom, the secret word is ‘soap’.” They had agreed on a code word so that his mom was able to separate true relatives from the con artists. 

“Not that I don’t trust you, but I need to check. Give me a minute. ‘Soap’ you said? Correct. You are my flesh and blood. I hope in better shape than I am. My arthritis is killing me, despite the new drugs Doc Goldstein prescribed me.” 

“How is Dad?”  Rick asked. 

“Getting worse. They are paying good attention to him but I am not sure whether I should be happy or sad. Happy to be in good hands and sad to see him slip away not knowing where he is and who is around him. But enough of that, it drags me down! What’s new on the West Coast, Rickie?” 

“I wanted to tell you that I am in a new relationship.” 

“With a girl?” 

“Mom, I did not turn gay overnight.”  

“You never know these days, I read a lot. Even Elton John was married once to a girl. Is she nice? From a good family?” His mother always had been impressed that Isabella had come from a good family, which meant pedigree and old money. In Bella’s family case it had been pedigree, one of the first families from Denmark to settle in the West US, no money left from former gold rush days. 

“Not really, but you know her, too. It’s actress Louise Waters.” 

“Lorrie Anders? Wasn’t she in your class?” 

“No, Louise Waters, the actress.” 

“Oh, she looks like Louise Waters, I know her, the actress. Nice. Good hair. White teeth. Thin, but nice.” 

“No, mom, I tell you, she is the real deal. She is Louise Waters.” 

“Silly me, Rickie, I don’t seem to get it. She looks like Louise Waters or not? Why don’t you send me a photo of her?” 

“You can Google... Never mind, mom, I’ll send you a photo.” 

“And the kids like her, too?”  

“Yes, they adore her. They repeatedly had asked me to kiss her much earlier than I would have dared.” 

“My grandkids are wise, they got that from me. I am happy for you. And for her as well...” 

 

Rick dutifully sent his mom a family snapshot of Louise and him, kids left and right and everywhere.  “Did you receive the snapshot?” Rick asked her at their next phone call. 

“Yes Rickie, so sweet. And you were right, she really looks like Louise Waters. And what’s her name again?” 

“It’s Louise.” 

“Oh, she is also called Louise? Isn’t that a coincidence! What was her last name again?” 

“Waters. Louise Waters. Mom, she *is* Louise Waters!” 

“Really? No! The actress?” 

“In person!” 

“You’re not making this up to impress your old mother?” 

“Never would!” Rick promised. 

“Hm. Let me check. No, it’s not April 1st. These days go by so fast, you never notice. And the code word was correct, too. So you are my son and your new girl is Louise Waters, the actress. Honey, that boggles my mind. But… Hang on!” She rustled and bustled in the background. “How come I haven’t read anything about you and her in the gazettes?” Rick could hear her turning the pages. “In this weeks edition of *People’s* there was something about her. Yes, here! Rickie, don’t trust this woman! Here, on page eight, a picture. She is on a beach, arm in arm with this other actor. Josh Hancock, both in tight beachwear. Man, they must have Photoshopped that package of Josh and Louise’s boobs, too…”

“Mom, too much information!

“Since when has youth become so conservative? Never mind! Listen to this caption: *Dream team! Break from work? Or more than that?* So how can she be with you at the same time?” 

“Mom, that had been a publicity shot for pre-marketing of their newest movie that is still in production. I know Josh, too, he is my client. I restore a boat for him. This is how I had met Louise in the first place. He is definitely not with Louise.” 

“Josh Hancock a client? This is over my head.” 

“Should she drop by so that you can talk to her in person?” 

“Your Dad would get a heart attack. On the other hand, he wouldn’t remember her movies anyway. I won’t tell him about Louise! Is she rich?” 

“What does that have to do with anything, Mom?” 

“That’s relationship trouble brewing right there, Rickie. A man should be the income provider, that fits his thinking and her biology.” 

“In our specific case our income gap could only be equalized if the Communist Party took over Congress, Senate, and the White House. Louise’s wealth is over hundred million dollars whereas my riches are a house with mortgage, a sailboat, four kids before college, and a dead mouse in the pool,.” 

“You need money, Rickie?” 

“No Mom, I have a rich girlfriend now.” 

“Help me! My son has become a Gigolo!” 

“Mom!” 

“Isn’t an old lady allow to crack a joke about her son?” 

The Imaginary Universe — building fictional characters and their world (Part 1)

One of the most satisfying things about writing literary fiction is the building of universes. Each book plays in its own version of the world, its characters are unique and the interaction between the imaginary people and their time-space-continuum drives the story forward. When you then write serial fiction —as I do with my Calendar Moonstone or Troubleshooter series— then you even have a long term component involved. Not only do you need to use the fictional world for one setting or one single storyline. No, you need to make this a longterm investment into story development, characters, and the over-time interaction these characters have. Some of the most famous serial novels like Spenser or Perry Mason ran over many many publications. Hell, even Jack Reacher is on its . . . what? . . .22nd installment?

Let's have a look at some aspects of this universe building and the core decisions an author needs to make. I will split this over some posts, as it is a little philosophical and inside-baseball, but I hope it gives you some ideas of what makes an author tick.

Long term development: yes or no / strong or weak — What do I mean by "long term dev"? Is there a development of the characters over the course of many books or not? Is our hero a happy person throughout book #1 and then falls onto personal hard time in book #2? Is there a recurring issue that is dramatized over the course of many books? Fall in love, fall out of love, try to live your lives.

If you look at Earl Stanley Gardner's Perry Mason, there is no development between books. It is Perry, Della, and Paul running the cases and a preset number of district attorneys who present cases. But each book stands on its own, no need to look at a list to determine a certain reading sequence. Della is always Della, she has no friend, does never get married or divorced. Jack Reacher series has a similar approach; there is virtually no dependency, our lone hero comes to town, kicks some ass, and leaves as the winner. A very subtle and long term approach is done in the Spenser detective series. Spenser is the lone hero in early books, gets to know his love interest Susan, they break-up in the middle, work on their relationship, have no kids but a dog, first dog dies, second dog, Spenser ages, gets a knee joint replacement... So well done over the course of about 50 books and still going strong as the long term development not really hurts.

Let me give you three examples from my own stable of characters:

Firstly, Calendar Moonstone is set up as a series. I have a fixed set of characters: Calendar, her friend Mundy, the parents, and a remote sister with her two kids. The first two installments do not have too much development between them. But I do have on my harddrive (and in my head) a development plan for Calendar. The main driving momentum for this development is the inherently illegal activity that Calendar is so blatantly involved in. She is the heroine, but a flawed one: she steals expensive things, her moral compass is completely off. This will work for some book installments, but I am pretty sure that one day she will get caught and will need to pay a price for her almost cleptomaniac approach to jewlery.

Second example: Paul Trouble and his multifacette universe of corporate life, spy and Marine history. The stories can stand on their own, but there is an even more dependency on the stories long term. Paul is a broken man after losing his left hand, marred by bad dreams, constantly behind his sleep. Driven to avoid the next night on his matress, fighting an invisible enemy. Here I have a wide array of long term developments to chose from: Paul as a violent youth after his mother had died. Paul as Marine. Paul as a spy for CIA and British Intelligence services. Paul in his corporate troubleshooter role. The boy becomes a man, becomes a grown-up, with high and lows, relationships that are easy (with former colleague and love interest Irene Richards) and complicated (with former fiance Isabelle McAllister, daughter of his mentor, the General). This compley matrix of time, people, and places gives me a lot to work with as an author. I can jump from time to time, can pick storylines for a single book from one phase of Paul's life, or chose an overlap, or mix-and-merge relations. I love this!

Third example: the stand-alone novel. My romantic comedy "Five for Forever" is a story that stands on its own. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. After you read this book, you will not expect the story to continue in a "Six for Forever" or "Forever forever!". No, that's it! The universe of movie making, wooden ship builder, friends in financial need, Agnes's career choice, all needs to be opened and closed within 400+ pages. It is what it is and it will remain as it is. (Although: to be honest, I have two follow up ideas of stories that play in this universe, too. One triggered by a remark of my editor to put more Josh Hancock into the story. That created the idea of a post-FfF story that spins the tale of Josh and Vickie over the ages. Another good storyline would be a sort of ten-years-later view on the Flint family.

Well, that's it for today. Too many ideas, too little time to write.  (maybe one day, when I am brutally successful, I'll start a co-writing factory like James Patterson to drive my universes forward)

 

What's going on? That's going on! In Full Edit Mode

Want to give you an update of what is going on in my writing life. Due to my travellings I also fell short on some of the other stuff I am writing on. My current "Troubleshooter Installment 3" was stopped almost completely, I am far away from my goal to reach a first version by end of May. Plus I am hitting a small block with some aspects of the resolution in Acts 4 and 5. Oh well, no one said it is easy.

Mostly due to the fact that I need to finish the edit for "Five for forever". The word remarks of my editor I managed to almost work through completely. I am running the edit in three stages:

First the small stuff - typos and grammar and simple logical corrections. I took it easy there and simply pressed "Accept" for 99.9 % of the recommendations. First, I am not a native English speaker/writer, so who am I to know it better than my editor. Second, it was a really good edit!

Second comes the comments - my editor left me with about 100 comments in the word document. From the mundane remark that she changed something and I should check whether she did in my interest; mostly yes, by the way. A first pass of comments got rid of all the easy stuff, regarding naming conventions, easy timeline fixes, clarifications, etc. But there are some issues with the timeline that need a solid re-read back and forth to make it right. And in two places I am really hesitant to move things around. To give you one example: I structured the book in seasons, spring, summer, fall, winter,... that coincides with the basic timeline. However I also structured the relationship of the protagonists around the seasons: falling in love in spring, enjoying each other during summer, conflicts appear in fall, break-up suffering period in winter, you get the point. But the calendar timeline where fall starts Sept. 21 and the relationship strains do not 100 % match. The relationship goes downhill slightly earlier in late August. So, what do I base my part-structure on. The calendar or the drama. Will the reader understand this?

Third, not started yet, is the editors letter to me where she gives some structural and content recommendations. I already had cut a lot of stuff, but there are still recommendations where the story is not brought forward enough by some of the chapters. Oh, well, it will be bloodshed weekend, just like on the first episode of Game of Thrones Season 6.

Wordsmithing — from good to great...

Five for forever, my latest novel is out "ad-interim" as a print version on Createspace.com. The eBook version will be exclusivly available on Amazon.com's Kindle Press publishing house. Which brought me—for the first time in my life—a royalty advance, and a second round of editing service for free.

I had given the manuscript already to an online editing service, where I got a good compromise between cost and delivery. I had thought the editing already pretty solid, but the editing service of a publishing house brought it to a different level. Alone the experience and learning from that one second excellent edit gave me so many improvements to my own writing filter.

Let me give you three examples from what the editor improved, apart from spelling, grammar, or wording changes:

Point of view crosscheck: Each chapter of Five for forever is told from the viewpoint of another main character. I usually had a mix of dialogue and thoughts, where the thoughts usually commented the spoken word or action.

Consistency: My main female character Louise comes from simple upbringing. A few paragraphs later I described the same upbringing as a mix of poverty and violence. Daaat, buzzer noise! Was her upbringing just poor, or was also violence involved.

Readability: The main male character Rick's kids have regular names like Charles or Britta. Real life gives those kids nicknames or abreviated names. Charles is called Charlie and uncool Britta might become Bri. Even though this might reflect real life, the editor reminded me of a great writer's truth: a story is not real life, it is a story written in an intellectual abstraction on paper (tree-based or silicone-based). So the law 'Do not to confuse the reader' trumps the law of social interaction: stick with one name throughout the book, the nicknames only are accepted in extreme emotional situations or to make a point.

All extremely good advice! I love it! (Although I hate the editing process as such)

Serial, Editing, Writing — Updates from the desk

Hi there, long time no news, but finally...

Serial: Kind reminder, A Brilliant Plan is still developing on Wattpad.com. Chapters 5 & 6 are up now and our heroine Calendar Moonstone is involved deeper and deeper into the net of murder, intrigue, and 150 year old diamond mystery.

Editing: Tuesday brought back my romantic comedy (with kids) Five for Forever from the Amazon editing service. I already had run the book past one editor to be able to publish it in case Kindle Publishing wouldn't pick it up. But they did, so I have the luxury of another round of publisher sponsored editing. I had thought the previous version was a solid one, but boy, had I been mistaken. Tons of suggestions and corrections to go through. I hope to finish by end of next week, eager to get it on the market.

Writing: My new Troubleshooter full sized novel is coming along nicely. It is set in London once more and a mix of Three Days of Condor meets The Jackal. I am about to reach the end of Act 3, where the main mystery will be revealed, sending Paul and his story-sidekick into a frenzied race against time to stop a conspiracy.